Firm Widow

I was a "bar widow" for the summer of 2005. This meant that R was technically home for the summer, but nobody knew it. He could have holed up in the library or something, but since my parent's basement is pretty soundproof from the chaos in the rest of the house it worked for him to study in there. He was in that basement bedroom studying all day; reading, taking sample tests, writing, and stressing out. Then he drove to Stockton every night (almost an hour away) for the BarBri class. This class is essential to preparing for the California bar, and he took it very seriously. It was brutal.

I was kept sane by staying with Nana and Papa who would help out a lot with the kids! Also, in the middle of it all, we found out that we were expecting baby S just days after HB started crawling at six months old. I put myself in denial about what that would mean for me, and dove into finding our family a place to live in LA. I did tons of research online, where were the best schools? a low crime rate? a decent commute? I drove down with my Mom and HB and we stayed at Auntie J & D's house while we looked around. We timed the drive, checked out neighborhoods, called realtors and scanned the papers for rentals. Unfortunately we didn't find anything from that trip so I went to plan B and started calling bishops in the area and friends of friends etc. Finally, I found a bishop's wife with a lead! Someone in their ward (LDS congregation) was taking a year to practice law back east and wanted to rent out their house while they were gone. Ta da! They sent us pictures and told us how great the neighborhood was. We felt like it was a good fit, and signed the lease by fax. Luckily, it turned out to be just as nice as we had hoped and our blind faith paid off.

When the bar exam was over we started preparing for our move to LA. We settled in and loved our new community. The hours at the firm were a very hard adjustment for all of us. In fact I still have a tolerate/hate relationship with all firms. Regardless of where you work there is an unpredictable schedule and lots of surprise late night shifts. If getting through law school weren't so expensive I think most people would never choose to work there, but when you finish school with undergrad debt and then law school debt, you do what it takes to pay the bills. It's like having to pay for two homes, one that you live in and the other that houses your opportunity for a career. The firm takes good care of you financially and gives you lots of little parties and perks to keep you from saying "I'm outta here!" It's what has been called the "golden handcuffs." Once you go in it's hard to leave behind. However, we are determined to not buy into the lifestyle and will use these as our big earning years to pay things down to a more manageable level and then R can get a job with better hours, etc. So until then I have morphed from the "Bar Widow" into my current status as the "Firm Widow." My next title had better be more glamorous!
Originally posted on my family blog October 2007